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03:47 

Power of our thoughts.

Have you ever seen the movie "Secret"? I have recently. It is about the psychology of people's thoughts. Our fears are much stronger than other feelings we experience. People tend to think about their problems more often than about anything else. I heard of the theory which says that man's thought always becomes material. Well, that means that everything we think of comes true. Is it right? There is a "law of meanness" as we call it, when something you are afraid of or just don't want to happen actually happens. Whether it is true or not, person has to think positively anyways. It is much easier to live thinking about good things than about bad. In the movie they said that if we think about things we want, it will all come true no matter how big our wishes were. Probably it won't happen the same second but still... There is a hope! And they also said that we have to visualize every our dream and try to feel happiness and joy as if we were really experiencing that. Now that is hard. People are so happy to remember the feeling distinctively very seldom. What if you are in a bad mood?! I'm not able to make myself joyfull trying to visualize something when I actually feel sad. This is another question. The question how to make yourself feel good. Music.... When I am sad, I tend to listen to sad music. That is so wrong. But most of my favorite songs are not about joy. Probably because usually people like songs which are close to their soul and thoughts. And what do people think about most of the times? Right, their problems. That's like some kind of magic circle! So, yes, good music... Movies usually affect me and my thoughts a lot... Those "stupid" chick flicks... All that love and tears and happy moments and happy ends make me feel happy for somebody. What else can raise my mood? Oh, yes. The Memories. There certainly were several moments in our life when we can say we were happy. Many people think there weren't. May be we don't want to rememember some because we understand that we can't return it or because of some particular person. But happy memories certainly can make us feel good. And another thing I really love can make me high. The Nature. Mother Nature. Even in the city. Even when it's rainy and mud is everywhere. You can still look at the sky and see the beauty of unexplainable wonderfull world. I try to be happy for others: my friends, my enemies, even those I don't know and will never meet again, just strangers. One of my friends recently said that he thinks it is usual programm. When you tell someone that it works and he believes you and it really starts working for him. Like some useless pills- you give them to a very ill person, hopelessly ill, and tell him it will help. So he believes the pills will cure him and it really happens. Not because the pills were a miracle, just the power of human thought-he ACTUALLY BELIEVED it. So may be there is the solution. We have to convince ourselves and that will be it. If we will believe in something it will work for us. If we will think that if we visualize something we want, it will come true, it will work for us. Just as long as we believe this. Kind of hard to understand. Let's think of predictionists. When we come to them they tell us what will happen in our life in some time. And we BELIEVE them. We believe it will happen. So it just happens. So simple. Man's mind is very powerfull thing. Everything will be like we want it to be if we actually believe it. Everything is unstable and a lot is unexperienced and unexplained yet! Mankind has a very good potential!

14:54 

So funny to read your own previous entries)) After all the theories I heard and all the literature I read, movie "Secret" is just crap))) That means progress in my development)) Yesterday I had very strange feelings. But that was evening and no one was around so I will just forget it. Seriously, if you believe in your destiny and more than that - you believe that your world is constantly taking care of you, then you have nothing to worry about)) Everything will be fine)) My life will be, no, wait, IS perfect)) It is so funny - to convince myself)) But anyways, there are a lot of goals set and they need to be achieved. I want finally to jump with a parachute))) And then in some period of time I want to go bungee-jumping)) And I have couple good ideas about my tattoo)) And some other stuff to do)) And, yeah, of course, a lot of AIESEC work to do))) Including getting ready for my OCP position)) I'm so inspired!!!)) Thanks to one Very Special Person)))

@настроение: positive

22:08 

Girls like tests))))))

No, seriously, girls love tests)))) It was so interesting to count their results after I published some at Vkontakte. And the things are (if to believe the tests) that mostly girls are after money and look for a partner who is independent, handsome and at the same time who doesn't use those features)))) Yeah, and all of them want him to be so unapproachable and honourable and privileged. And, of course, he can't let any girl but special her near himself. Jesus, if I was a guy I would already be a hero))))) It is so easy to behave like that and that's it. Nothing else needed. No pick up things, nothing. Or you just need to be charismatic and charmingly polite and funny. Which is much harder, cause either you have it or not. Then girls will just sleep with you for an idea of your personality. As it was at our Summeet with some people. And I was shocked. Seriously. Maybe I'm too conservative. But I didn't think @ers would strive for such excellence trying to act so sustainably and enjoying participation that much by drinking and having sex.I don't know. I'm just glad I quit drinking and smoking. That makes me a little bit different. At least concerning my power of will. Or whatever you call it. Today I even heard this theory that @ers work hard in between all the conferences but when they get to the conference.... They make it up to the life of usual teens. If you say it politely))))) No, never gonna be it. And another thing is that I won't avoid meeting some people from Summeet. People I'd rather wouldn't meet. Well, we'll see. I'll really try to be nice, I swear)) The other thing which is bothering me is this Recruitment... So much work and so much trouble. And I have so much free time that I can't make myself do it.Unfortunately a lot of nesessary people are leaving(( It will be short absenсe but I feel like I have no inspiration any more. And no brilliant people around me. No example. I'm slowly realizing that all work is going so much better at other LCs. And the thing is that our LC is not a team. And previous LCP and EB had it all so differently organized((((( And I don't know anything about how things went earlier and what we are doing for our development now. And what is worst I try not to think whose fault it is. But we have to grow. I think I will be very useful for my own LC next conference. Seriously!

22:51 

One lost day...

That was one awful day(( The reason is my computer. I have no idea what my Mom had done to it but Opera just refused to work. Error, error, error, error... Hate this word(( And from the very morning till around five in the evening my Boss ( ^_^ ) and me tried to figure it out. The day has been completely lost((( No, seriously, none of good browsers now work on my computer. Neither Opera nor Firefox. That's a thing about computers: even if you think you know at least smth about them, they like to prove the opposite. Unfortunately, I'm so not a programmer. Or may be it's good - I can be freaky enough))) Anyways, my computer is going wild these days. And it drives me completely crazy. Another thing is about children. They grow sooooo fast!! I've been tutoring the boy since like February, may be. So he left for his summer break. And then he returned.... He is almost taller then me!! And he is only in his 8 grade of Middle school!! And, of course, he changed a lot. And that is funny to notice. He really tries to behave and talk like an adult)) Tries to be serious))) Tries to really think about English - not like it was in February)) And wants to be a Cook))))) Seriously, World needs such men these days)))) And it's only 2 months I haven't seen him!) Though I still can tell by his blank expression on the face when I have to shut up with my explanations ))) And the other thing I noticed - he can't do two things at the same time)) As most part of men))) He can write OR he can listen)) when I start telling smth while he is writing - he stops)) It's so funny, especially when I'm just repeating my last sentences))) Last night went out to movies. There is the only and last movie theatre in the city I sometimes visit. The car movie theatre. Yesterday my Best friend and me decided to make an agreement, to compromise. The horror movie and a chick flick. I wasn't very fond of any of them. And neither was he. But we made it look like I watch the horror one though I hate them and he watches the chick flick)) The one with Lindsay Lohan, A little pregnant. And the horror - The Mist. As I expected - both are trash. Though I thought both would be even worse)) Doesn't matter, we just had a good time))) I like that movie theatre. It's unique, you have to go there at night, which supposes driving around the night city, which I love to do, and also I love the cafe there. Their fast food cousine))) I guess that's the only place in the city where you can get ANY fast food without waiting in a long queue. No, I'm totally not going to be a vegetarian or even close to that any nearest time))) I'm way too in fast food and sweets))) Tomorrow, I hope I'll manage to start on-line promo and @ presentations. Unfortunately, I have to be at home and the weather is sooo good(( Well, that's ok, I have my friend's Bday coming and the bye-bye party too. Will have to visit both) Untill then - "just working"...

@настроение: undefined

23:25 

Too much chocolate, too little time ;)

Today I ate a box of chocolate all alone!!!!!! And I have no idea why!!!!! I've always been sugarholic but never that much)))))
And I'm such a good girl!!! I've done half of on-line promo today!!!!))) Yey))) Though I couldn't concentrate on doing it half of day too(( Kept thinking about some particular people... That just sucks(((
Nevertheless, I've got a second Daddy today XDDDD I granted this position to my Boss))) And he's got some privileges now))) Now he can call me some special name, my VIP name)))))) OMG, I had so much fun and so much work today)))
And tomorrow there going to be a party where I can communicate with people!!! Like real people!! Cause I've been sitting at home in front of the computer for several days already and that's too much for an extravert!
And there is a lesson with my pupil too. I have to find smth for him to translate. And last time we talked about it he asked me to find Twilight or Spider man)))))))))) Twilight))))))))) After he called this name out loud I just tried to hold on and not to laugh))) and he was saying smth about that he's not like really into this story but wouldn't mind reading it or smth for at least 10 minutes))))) soooo funny))) He's so cute. ))) Have no idea how I will print smth out, but I'll try to find it at least))) So is it really true that guys don't like the Twilight story? Or they just pretend specially for girls? ))))) I'll have to figure it out)))) Though even my Best friend once told me he hates it and even if HE told me this I guess it will be hard to find out the truth))) But the thought that guys actually might like the Twilight story despite all their words makes me laugh)))
And there was another small but very promising event today!!!)) Probably, that is why I'm so high now)))))) But I won't tell anyone!!!)))))) Not to spoil anything!!!!)))))))Seriously!!!!!)))

@настроение: happy))))))

00:03 

Overunderemotional... Or the other way around??

Two days break....
Now I'm sitting here... tired... a bit sad... thinking about you... Wtf? What is going on? How is it going to look like? What am I doing to myself? Do I need it? Do YOU need it? Yes, I got the point. What do YOU think about all this and whom do YOU need to think about you? cold... frozen... but ready to get started... and nothing from you... and not sure if there will be something or even is something... pain...or not...unsure... wtf... Can I forget you right away? Maybe, yes. Do I want it? Maybe, no.
That's what's going on inside of me(( and that's how it usually is after several emotional events. I'm just drained)) Need to insert next CD))
So, events...
First, the bye-bye party. It was pretty cool. There were a lot of people, mostly alumni. Which is good. Though I didn't quite got the results I wanted to get from this party... But I don't regret at all. One thing I get to 100% is that @LC has to be and feel like one team to act sustainable)) Right, I memorized at least couple of values)) That's good)) Anyways, all my ideas got approved and that's it, well, that's good too, cause now I know my ideas are not so stupid altogether))) It's just I am not really satisfied with them by myself. Yeah, I was talking about the party... Can't get myself to like all those drinking games... I don't know... Totally not Bitches-bitches' person... Need to make up some good nick...Well, I hope it'll come later. The only thing I didn't like at the party were some of the alumni. Like, there are some people who, if they know more at some area (or they think they know more), start acting like they are the smartest ones, the stars, and everyone else need to listen to them and just obey. Hate such people! Any good manager will tell that this is such a mistake. That's why during the Summeet, people were afraid to come to CC team though guys were working only for them. Well, that's were only some particular people and some alumni were quite normal and adequate)) The behavior can already tell you about a person and his personality and state of his mind)) So that would be enough for the party. Except that, unfortunately, my friends who were not @ers didn't fit)) Yeah, and it happened that I brought 2 non@ people to this party)))) That was funny)) As I said, unfortunately, no results... Well, at least I gave my Best friend some new emotions. And that is good)) The most funny part was when at 3 in the morning I remembered that I have my work that very day at 10.00 I was quite shocked I forgot it so I had to hurry and go home. Unfortunately. I got only 4 hours to sleep. So good I don't drink or I guess they would just fire me))
Yes, so, second, my work. The thing I'm starting to get is that I love my job. No, seriously, I love my job!!! I guess I will give up my manager's profession and just be an interpreter))) Seriously, you are going around in a good car with good people and doing only one thing - talking! New people, new emotions - fully enjoying it))) I just have to learn second language))) I want German!! And then, to go to Germany!!!!! Though it's second popular language and it might be not that usefull... still! Gosh, I have so much to do in my life!!! So many opportunities)) And during today I almost found out how to make good barbecue)) And I'm learning so much about children))) And where we have places with children's clothes, toys, strollers and other stuff)) And everything is so cute!)) As my xbf said, maternal instinct awakes at 20 yrs old))) Another thing is that everything is quite expensive and the child will grow out of these things like in 3 yrs... So where do you put all this then?? It would be completely useless(( and still cute)))
Third thing is that I was eating and eating all second part of the day!! I gained like 3 or even 4 kgs(( And tomorrow I have my friend's Bday!! And this means more eating))) That's awfull(( I have to stop!)) While I was writing all this my mood went up a bit))) Still, these days were quite fun)) Oh, and there still are those games with someone I'd rather not have it with((( He's older and smarter, but I feel all that kind of stuff, all his traps(( Just don't like it. Though I'll still try to be very nice to him, he'd already heard enough from me. Men have their pride no matter what, and you can't touch this part of them no matter what. Well, I can perfectly understand that.)) Another thing about these days was that all my old friends suddenly decided to call me)) But I've changed so much and all of them were like, OMG and Wtf?? Well, that's the way I am)) I can't guarantee you anything about myself, everything can change in one second))

@музыка: С. Тайх - Больно

@настроение: unsure...

23:33 

Happy bday))

Tired))) In a good way))) Today I was at the seaside celebrating my friend's birthday)) Guess what? Only such girl like me could forget to take a swimsuit))))))))))))) But I couldn't, of course, resist sunbathing, so I had to do it in my underwear))))) That was not all that fun)))) but I had to))) Oh, I also met a guy there who once was very close to me. That is a long story and not everything was good at that time. But today I was so happy to see he was so fine!!))) Seriously!!)) I met him for about half a year ago and he looked like a person without any goals or even desire to live. And I couldn't get anything out of him(( But today he was quite normally looking and behaving and talking)))) He hasn't had that easy life... Neither one of us had... But everything was good today!)))) So I'm happy for him!)
Then, I'm so glad we are now so close with all my university girls) Some of them, of course, have their own stuff in their heads but I can understand all of it)) For example, one of them today tried to prove me that @ is just a waste of time)))) She had been trying to do it for a long time. I even got tired of it)) The funny thing - she doesn't know anything about our life))))) And she is a kind of person who never agrees with the fact he is wrong(( So that was quite tiring( But it's ok)) We decided to have several pj parties when my Mom will leave! OMG, it's so soon. 1 week and she'll go to Greece. I'm so glad she's already been in so many countries)) Almost everywhere in Europe))) And I will have 14 days of independent life))))) So I'm going to throw a couple of parties)) But, shush! That's my little secret)))
And tomorrow I have some work with my americans)) The bad thing is that I won't be able to go to that @' training about raising(( And that would be so useful for me(( But everything happens for good so I guess it is be better for me not to be there. And my pupil is coming tomorrow and after that I have another bday celebration!! My dear Grandfather is 83!! 83!! Seriously!! I really love him though he is not my real Grandpa)) He has an ideal personality!! He is so smart and funny and patient! Really, he manages to live with my Granny))))
Today one of my friends told me that if I stop using make up and take of my nails she will have to take me to the monastery)))) That's cause I refused to smoke with her))) As to alcohol, they made me promise that I at least smell their wine)))) Well, I did it))) We all had a good time)))
And I will also never be tired of falling in love again and again with my favourite city and the nature around it and the sea. I'm so totally an outside person))) I now think it was my city's energy which helped me to cure myself. Such a little miracle. And very big one for me)) When you get sick - it's a sign that something in your life is going wrong and you have to change!

@музыка: Mika - grace kelly

@настроение: A bit tired

23:55 

I love myself. Only. And forever.

I love myself!)))) Only such person like me can forget some things or/and people which were the center of his life couple of days ago. Of course, that's not very good. From one point of view. And from another - it's just wonderful! That way I know which of my feelings and desires are real. And which of them are fake)) And I constantly need to be under some emotions - from events or people - doesn't matter. Any emotions. After some period of time which is different every time, I forget all of it and need something new. And if I don't get anything new I go blue and sad(( That's so me. Like all of it! So I'm in search of something new now))
Yesterday was not very interesting except that I was told that I look good standing next to the building where they register marriages. Like, no way!))) And we celebrated my Grandpa's bday. My pupil decided not to come to me. Will have to be more strict with him next time(( Yeah, I'm getting worried about my dreams. Dreams are very important part of my life. I still often fly at night, and my dreams are always very bright and colorful and almost always make sense. Dreams were the first sign which told me that I was getting healthy back in July. So yeah, the problem is that I stopped flying or swimming(( I have some quest dreams now with a lot of familiar people though I hardly ever had many people in my dreams, especially familiar ones. I don't like it. I want my dreams back!!!!
Also yesterday we went out to chat at night with my Best friend. God, he's like my family. More than him I trust only my Mom. Though we also have some topics we rather don't discuss with each other. But in everything else - he's my closest one. Like most of my good old friends are guys. You can't be real friends with a girl. I have couple I can call friends of mine but... Guys are better. May be I am over perfectionist but guys' definition of a 'friend' is so much closer to me)) I can call my Best friend at night and suggest to go somewhere till 10 in the morning and he'll agree)) So yesterday we went to the park and had fun)) Till 2 a.m.)))) And there were swings))) I love swings)) Feels like you're flying))
And today I also had work)) By the way there are some problems with one of the families but I think everything will be fine. And that was not my mistake... I'll see... Also I met one of my old friends today. A future doctor))) Making some network))) Goodness, he's drinking more and more((( I start worrying for him. Anothing thing is that today I've learned how to make perfect bbq)))) Have to try it when Mom will be gone)) That would be another cool day somewhere in the forest))) And tomorrow I have not much to do at all. Well, then I will watch several movies cause number of them on my computer is increasing and I don't have time to watch anything. Bad thing is that in @ your work depends on so many people(( I could already finish everything but I have to get different pieces of information from different people(( That sucks. Especially when fresh OCP of your project suddenly leaves @ at all. Planning on going to the movies tomorrow. Though the schedule of this week is so weird - same movie 2-3 times a night. I guess the place where they have all the films probably got burned to the floor))) Well, we'll see))


I'm all so complete and almost happy)))) Cause I'm completely free from my own thoughts)))

@музыка: Reamon - Supergirl ;)

@настроение: Half-happy))))

23:00 

The day've been kind of slow... Today I decided to sleep through half of it though usually I don't do this. I personally think the time which has been used for sleeping is a wasted time. I don't understand people who say that most of all in their life they enjoy sleeping. Or it's their hobby. You have to be completely unmotivated and uninteresting and lazy to sleep all day... But today I got up at 1 pm. Just because I didn't have to go anywhere. That's why I didn't feel so good afterwards. Like overslept. Good thing that I was flying in my dreams. Bad thing that it was kind of hard and there still were a lot of unnecessary people(( But still))) Like in books of Zeland - you just have to wake up and wish for smth inside your dreams and everything you want will come true right away))) Unfortunately, the whole process is much more complicated in real life((
Yeah, the books, I just have to buy Kastaneda in the bookstore. It's not like the kind of books which you can listen in MP3 and I doubt that I'll like reading it on my laptop(( The thing is that it's for about 2,9 Gb on my computer, I wonder how many thick books it's going to be in print??? And I've never seen it in Kaliningrad shops.... Oh, I have to read it though it's not like some theories I'm used to, like Zeland's books. It's written like a tale, a story. A mystic story... Don't like this style. And then I have to start reading my professional books. I know very cool web-page where you can download bunch of them.
This weekend I'm jumping with a parachute. That has to be so cool. First of all, I'll finally fly in real life. Secondly, I'm going to overcome the fear of free falling. Cause the only kind of attractions I haven't tried yet is the one where they get you at some hight and just drop. Then take you up again and drop again. Every other attraction is fine for me. I feel sorry we don't have permanent attraction park for adults. My favorite attraction looks like a huge T with 4 seats on both ends of horisontal bar. So this bar spins around it's middle point and the seats are spinning around themselves. That is so cool. You are totally flying. So yes. I'm looking forward to jumping during the weekend)) Excited)))
Tried to look up any tattoo pics today but I don't like any of them. I still don't know what I want to get and the main thing - where. I don't want my tattoo to be seen immediately.... I want to be able to put on an evening dress so no one will see a tattoo. And I want it to look good at the seaside on the beach... That leaves not very many places. I have couple of thoughts about covering up my scar... But I have to try another medical alternatives first... So it all gets very complicated when I start thinking about it... And I wanted one since like 2006. And I don't like the idea of temporary one. Either I'm getting a real tattoo or nothing at all. I don't like the possibility of having big black spot if smth. Yeah, and I'm not sure about the color either.... Difficult to decide.
Tomorrow will be a lot of @ work and meetings. So I'll be quite busy till like Tuesday which is the X day ))))

@музыка: Marilyn Manson - Sweet dreams

@настроение: calm'n'silent

23:59 

Overloaded)))

@@@@@ - whole day))) Everything's cool!!! All projects are going fine. There are some good results. We are cool))) Everything is not so hopeless))))) I'm so glad)))
And the main event of the day: my mentor came back from the internship!!!!)))) I so love her. She is trying to adapt back to Koenig now. And it is so hard to accomplish if everything was so cool previously. I can totally understand her. I was in such condition after the SumMeet( But it's easier for me cause I'm a Gemini. I just need some new emotions)) But she's a Scorpio. Everything is much more difficult for them(( She'll need more time for adapting.
Anyways, there's going to be a Welcome party for her and our new intern from Poland next week. I decided to throw it at home. We'll see how bad it's gonna end)))
Yesterday I was still thinking about my tattoes. And I decide what I want and even where. They all will be very small so not to look vulgar. But today I was suggested a good idea. We have Rec in Moscow and then Natco in St. Petersburg. I can get temporary tattoe during Rec and if I like it I'll get a permanent one during Natco. Sounds perfect. That way I'll decide if I'm ready to get a permanent one and like it's place.
Today due to all the information from @ I felt overloaded first time during this summer. It was at the end of the meeting when I understood that I hadn't understood a word of our Com. No, not like all her words. I understood every each of them separately, but I couldn't get the sense they made alltogether)))
Still jumping this weekend. On Sunday)))) And I guess there will be more people than I thought jumping with me. This will be so awesome)))))
Today my mentor asked me about applying to EB. I would really want it. The thing is that IS manager is not in EB. In other LCs they even don't have such project and we help that way to our Com. And my Boss wants to apply for Com.... And I don't want to compete with him... And I don't want to be an ICX VP... And I don't feel like ER or anything else... If my Boss will be Com we will not need IS then. Gosh everything is so complicated... And I don't want to waste my time in @. Well, we'll see.
Totally need to start doing joga again. Made a small research for our city and found out that I don't like any of places where they give courses of joga. And I want to do some of it in groups with a teacher before doing it alone at home. Well, I chose one place. Need to go find out everything at the Coach. Yeah, that's probably it.
From now on I will try to listen to myself more and try to find several words for my soul state in the end of diary.
Today I feel ------ really free and strong.
Love this feeling)

@музыка: FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE - Stacy's Mom

@настроение: Cool))

00:17 

Still, people are different.

I'm totally flexible))) Today I suddenly got a call from my work and had to change all my plans and go help americans. And you know what??? I really love changing everything around me: direction, plans, people or activities. And the more sudden it is - the better)) Yeah, it's all easy now, when I'm young...
Well, anyways today I marked that I'm walking around the city and laughing at people. They all look so funny and cute. Every one of them has their own life and small truth. I love people. I've always been an altruist but previously constantly got "beaten up" for that(( Now @ gives me an opportunity to help people, and my work gives me an opportunity to help people build their families and give small children a chance to have a better life. And that's why I feel strong and almighty now)) And that's why I'm smiling at people in the streets no matter how crazy they think I am))) I still love them. Just like that)) Though usually it works like "I love people - I just don't show it to some of them"))))) or "I love people until I get to know them better")))))
Met the guy whom I studied with at school. He is in the police college now, drinking, smoking, everything like that. He started telling me stories about what happens at their college when they all get drunk. Seriously, I hate it when guys talk about that. Yes, may be this is funny but can't you see that it makes me make a lot of not very good conclusions about you?! And in the end, it's not so funny! It's tragic. Some guys manage to get out of this drinking period but some don't. And he also kept telling me that all people are the same. God, I can't get tired of discovering something new every time in my friends, and I still can't be sure about their reaction in different situations. Cause it all depends on so many things: from circumstances to even their mood. Our opinions were so different - cause we are different. And what about personality? There are aggressive and cruel people and there are kind and funny ones. Why, are we like same dolls from one factory?? No way. There was another interesting topic we talked about. His brother has just got married. The bride is 20. Another girl from our school group got married. She is 20. I'd thought that the "cursed" age was 22 for girls. 20??? Too early. Guys are still kids at 22, may be girls are mentally more grown up then guys but not at 20. Ridiculous. If you are sure you've found the right person, your person, does it matter when you are going to get married???? 3 years earlier or 3 years later. Or do you just need to tie up someone to yourself?? No, I think there has to be a separate apartment and even some good time period of living together. There has to be a life of one small but fully independent family of adults. Seems like we are going Asia)) Very soon the marriage age for girls will be like 14)))
Another thing almost about that is that today I saw a boy driving a very nice car. My point is that I can't call him a guy, that was a boy, seriously. He seemed to be like 15-16, not more than that. And if he is driving - then he has to be like 18 at least(( Nowadays guys look so small(( And girls - to the opposite. By the way there was one next to him in the car, her appearance was like of 25, though she for sure was less than that. Yeah, unfortunately, guys start looking somewhat like men at 25 or even more. Yeah, well... At least I'm so not going to get married approximately next 5 years))

@музыка: Da Black Eyed Peas - Now generation)))

@настроение: Just good))

00:27 

Mission complete!!

Well. Yes, we did it. Woohoo!!!!! It's quite risky, I should say, jumping with a paraсhute. There was 3-hour training and our instructor was very scary. He was from airborne military people. He was huge, bald and aggressive. But he seemed very funny in the end of the day)) We all became like a family)) So, yeah, there might be so many dangerous situations in the sky when you have to act in a special way and without any panic... Trying to remember all the information and being quite nervous we had to wait until sportsmen made their jumps. And that was cool, cause they had all the height and paraсhutes you could control. But new people get just simple automatic parachutes you can't control and only (!!!!) 600 meters of height. So the jump lasts for only about 1 minute. And first half of it you are trying to check the paraсhute above you - if it is fine, and the second half of it you are thinking about landing))) I didn't have time to look around properly(( Another thing was that I didn't have time to get scared neither when I had to jump out of the plane, nor during the flight down. But it still is like a great deed, like I've overcome something else)) So, yeah, I'm going to jump at least 2 more times. First of all, I'm not going to think about anything but beauty around me next time, secondly, when you jump 3 times - you are considered to be a paraсhuter. And after all it's still very exciting. And next summer I'll go bungee - jumping))
Yesterday I was shocked by the fact that my Mom is leaving actually tomorrow and not on Wednesday, so soon.
Tomorrow I had to go to work but smth happened and I am actually quite worried. Though americans have to be still on their way. Or not. May be they got lost... Goodness, what if something happened to a child, not to them.... Allright. Stop. Everything is going to be fine. Totally fine. Let's wait until I know about everything.
Stupid @ work. I've spent all the day just looking at the pictures on the net for our poster. I'm going to become perfect designer))) Photoshop designer)))
I got one more idea of one more tattoe. Now I'm 100% sure that with that number of tattoe' ideas I'll manage to do at least 1 this year)))
And the worst news is that we are starting our studies on Wednesday(( I was hoping that may be I'll have this week off or smth. But no. They also make me mad with their schedule. I'd rather had 1 full day of courses than 4 days with 1 course a day. So stupid. All the week is wasted. Well, I'm sure I'll find couple of ways to have fun)
And that virtual man appeared to be full of crap. As I was afraid of. Oh God. And I can do nothing for her((( I would give away my life for her if it could help((( That's, by the way, how I measure love. There are only 2 people I would give away my life for. That's how I love them. You just have to ask yourself: "Do you love that person enough to be ready to die for him?" And that's it...

@музыка: Avril Lavigne - When You're Gone

@настроение: ok

05:44 

Messed up

Mom is gone. House is empty without her. And I feel kind of lonely though my Best friend is sitting next to me with a beer and shrimp)))
Today there was a lot, no, like A LOT of work for @. And some @ers are so self confident. They like to push a lot without any proper reason but they don't do their work properly. Gosh. I'm tired of all of them. I really would like to go somewhere to different LC and find out how things are going there.
And our studies start tomorrow, wait, no, today. That sucks. Don't want to go there.Still have to turn in an essay.
I feel kind of totally messed up right now. Have you ever had this feeling that you have to be somewhere else, not here, like you don't belong to your nowadays life. The feeling when all people around you seem to be uninteresting strangers of no use for you. I sometimes do feel like that. And it seems that when I will have independent life I'll be so far from here that everything appears so stupid and useless. I know this is only one of the states of my mood. I wish I could control such periods and stay cheerful and funny as usual but sometimes stupid people just drive me crazy. There are so many of them((
And I still don't have any news from americans and something is definitely going on there. But no one tells about it me(( Still worried.
Well, I've been very usefull today so I'd better go to bed. Tomorrow there will be different day and that also means different mood)) That easy))

@музыка: silence

@настроение: tired

03:58 

Break

Today was the first day of studies. Surprisingly it went easier than I thought it would.
And today I've been elected the Reception Coordinator. It was almost official though our LCP is still in Malaysia. Honestly, I don't understand why they all wanted to do the elections so fast. I didn't know about the day until last minute. So I actually didn't write out the speech properly. Too bad. Another OCP candidate had it perfect. Though that doesn't matter - we were applying for different projects. The thing is that I was the only candidate for my project so this all is like a joke - all the elections))) Another good thing about that is that VP OGX will send me an EP to match and in some time I'll be a full member))) Cool))
Had a fight with a Boss. Confused with all the people still( All of them want something different))
So today I decided to celebrate my new position and made a special dinner. That was such a mess))))
I'm going to slow down with this diary. I am actually not that kind of person to write everything you think in a diary every single day. That is really tiring(( I just wanted to try it that way first. From now on I'll write only in case I have some very strong feelings about something. Or just when I would want to say smth out loud. I'm thinking about removing the address of it from my page. But we'll see. Now I really don't have anything to write about. No, I actually always have something to talk about, it's just nothing special. So... a little bit of rest during the break))

@музыка: discobitch_-_cest_beau_la_bourgeoisie

@настроение: goood)))

03:05 

Back here!

And trying to be an overachiever!
And some people are too strange to even be worth of any attempt to understand!
And didn't get a word from u!(
And gonna stay up all night!
And was almost excellent today!
And need a new plan!

20:23 

Yay!!!!

OMG!!! I finally did it!!!!!!!!

@музыка: Bar de Aux - LSD

@настроение: ♪ Я люблю LSD, лазеры, секс и девочек♪

23:29 

Blue Nostalgia

Saw Allie on the Facebook... Looked through her friends... went to Myspace... Is it good to make such programs like FLEX? You live in different country for a year, you try to adapt, you try to make friends, you try to be them, to blend in and after that you are just leaving without knowing of ever coming back... What about ties made with such an effort? What about those who liked everything there better? I had a friend whose family environment was not so good, she went to America with me, she could never stop spilling tears on the way back, she couldn't talk to anyone. All because smn was nice to her, nicer than her Mom... I'm sure she meant nothing for them. It's almost always like that. Even me...I didn't try to make heartbreaking ties there, but I got to know so many ppl... Known or not they left their trace in my life, during that challenging year. I am going to America, but to the North and just to compare. It's going to be a bit later. But I still wasn't going to see them, I wouldn't be able to even if I wanted. They all are graduates now, probably all around America. And though most of them weren't my friends, I didn't like that place enough to want to come back and settle, I still somehow feel like I miss them all... One of them more than all others. Which still doesn't make any difference. Several skeletons in the dark corner of my heart... So why does it hurt so bad if they didn't mean much to me??

@музыка: Город 312 - Обернись

@настроение: sad

02:26 

Pure emotions.

Гордость - Не опоздала на пары (!!!)
Удача - Городков А. М. - лучший!! Market research half done!!)) Yay!!
Провал - Предстоящий зачёт у "Мужчины Всеобщей Мечты"
Радость - Море Суши, Общение с Нормальными людьми))))
Айсек - Мануал по мэтчингу
В первый раз - Сыр Камамбер до тошноты
Адреналин - Поездка с Катей(много мата)))
Приятно - Починка DVD-ROMа
Грусть - Ты далеко(((((
Самореализация - Петь!
Комфорт - Чай с лимоном.

День удался))))

А ещё - есть добро в мире: спасибо Катюше, Артёму, Анатолию Михайловичу, тем, кто спас ребят в Москве.

И всё же - "она просто привыкла. привыкла... к жизни в этом мире. она уже не обращает внимания на глупые насмешки за спиной, упреки, предательства, бесконечную ложь. она просто привыкла..." - про меня. А надо больше прощать людей и верить в них сильнее.

Продолжаю жить под девизами: "Constantly improve!" и "You can!"

@музыка: Bar de Aux

@настроение: mixed

14:50 

Итоги 2010 года!

2010 год...
Много было хорошего и плохого...
Выбрана ТМом в Айсеке, неудачное начало работы ЕВ, Plan-it, полгода как медовый месяц, одна привезла 5х стажёров в лагерь, качественный набор, потеря Артёма, отпустила Антона, клёвый корпорэйт, НатКо, решение, планы на ближайшие 3 года, успешный конец года,overachiever...
Неприятные моменты были, приятных ещё больше....
Одно не изменилось: люблю тебя, скучаю по тебе, хотела бы, чтобы ты был сейчас рядом, поэтому немножко грустно...
И так будет ещё где-то 3 года....

Но! Всё хорошо! Всё получится!
С Новым годом!
lossofsoul.com/info/2011.htm

@музыка: Oona - Tore My Heart

@настроение: =)

01:42 

Trying to become...

So... LCP elect...
Different attitude of ppl, high expectations, wild mood swings, all kind of plans in my head, fake speeches and constant critical analyzing of everything around, and constant feeling stressed, and constant tries to fit in the image and situation.
That's what it is - to be an LCP elect.
But I know the only thing - I don't want to be spoiled by power. I need smth to balance me out....
Well, no one said it will be easy...

Anyways I'm strong enough for almost anything, I'll manage)

Дневник __Tequila__

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