среда, 16 ноября 2011
I can not beleive it!
Today was the first day I felt like I was an extra person in my LC! It feels so weird. I've never felt so away from them...
It's almost over. I built up new team. New leaders who will take my LC somewhere I'm not even sure where. And I won't be there for them in couple of months any more. And I'm the last person of 2009. Cause they are 2010. Loosing the connection, further from the roots.....
My term just rushed through....
I can not beleive that my life in my LC is almost over. OMG, this is the place I gave away myself 100% all the time of 2,5 years!!!!! I did not live in the world, I lived in my LC. That is piece of me. And I will leave this piece behind. And be somewhere else.
LCP XP - irreversible, unforgettable, unrepeatable, totally crazy and priceless.
Simply priceless.
So this all leaves me huge qn: what do I do next? where is the right way to go?
And what do I still want to leave after myself?
Today was the first day I felt like I was an extra person in my LC! It feels so weird. I've never felt so away from them...
It's almost over. I built up new team. New leaders who will take my LC somewhere I'm not even sure where. And I won't be there for them in couple of months any more. And I'm the last person of 2009. Cause they are 2010. Loosing the connection, further from the roots.....
My term just rushed through....
I can not beleive that my life in my LC is almost over. OMG, this is the place I gave away myself 100% all the time of 2,5 years!!!!! I did not live in the world, I lived in my LC. That is piece of me. And I will leave this piece behind. And be somewhere else.
LCP XP - irreversible, unforgettable, unrepeatable, totally crazy and priceless.
Simply priceless.
So this all leaves me huge qn: what do I do next? where is the right way to go?
And what do I still want to leave after myself?
среда, 02 ноября 2011
Today was one of the most productive days in my whole term.
At the moment I feel 100% that I'm doing everything perfectly the right way, just how it needs to be done. Such a rare feeling)))
And this is good cause yesterday or the day before yesterday I just didn't know what to do - not one thought) Guess, now is the biggest challenge of my term. I've developed so much during last several days - thnx to my team.
Today I made one of the awesomest LCMs. I was talking about the emotional intelligence competency and its importance in times of emotional breakdown and demotivation. You know, the psychology stuff - self-awareness and taking the control over your own emotions. That was a big challenge for me at the beginning myself cause I am so emotional. Not now though. One developes such a nut shell during his LCP XP. Now I can control my feelings pretty good. No, not feelings, of course) Just emotions.
The other interesting issue was the qn about where should you stay - on the neutral side or positive... I looked through some materials and they say that you have to be balanced out to see all the effects - both positive and negative. But is it like that in ordinary life and is it the same in AIESEC. Guess I stick to the point of view that it is still better to stay more optimistic in real life but to be closer to the middle in AIESEC - to foresee the problems and to be ready to solve them. Interesting stuff.
Think of making list of the books which made big impact on my mind and mindset.
Just totally happy. With everything.
This is the positive momentum right now. And yesterday there was the negative.
Gosh, I wonder how much the stuff we believe in affects our life. It would be sad if all the things I discover for myself work just because I believe they work))))
So, yeah, need to get the momentum back and get balanced out.
Another interesting thought - but is it worth it? I love feeling strong emotions. They are sometimes the only thing I know 100% is real. But if I will always be balanced out, will life try to swing me back and forth again and again? Another thought to think about)
No definitely, you get proofs of the stuff you believe in - just cause you notice only those proofs, I guess.
Weird, though I didn't get enough time to sleep last night, and I feel very tired now, it feels like being exactly the "popcorn machine" - Dey's expression) Thoughts just pop up in my head every second.
Anyways, tomorrow is 2,2 yrs. Ready to enjoy the moment) Need to make sure its really 2,2 yrs)))))))))))) Bad with dates)))) Last time didn't remember any of the birthdays of my family exactly. What a shame - and I consider myself being a good person.
Going to sleep. Wanted to read first - didn't open a book for several days now - with a lot of stuff going on around. Too bad. The book has some interesting material to think about. I think, I gonna start quoting things I really like. It's name is "Blink" btw, by Malcolm Gladwell. Worth of reading. Some interesting points about relationships btw ppl which can be applied to many things beside all that 'true love' topic. And about other weird unconscious mechanisms running in ppl's heads and being unexplainable.
Hear it? Pop, pop, pop....
Need to calm down and go restore my sleeping cycle.
Overachiever. Proud to be LCP. Motivated. Trying to reach emotional balance now)
Next things to talk about on LCMs - capitalizing on weaknesses and social enterprise. Looking forward to elections)
________kisses__________
At the moment I feel 100% that I'm doing everything perfectly the right way, just how it needs to be done. Such a rare feeling)))
And this is good cause yesterday or the day before yesterday I just didn't know what to do - not one thought) Guess, now is the biggest challenge of my term. I've developed so much during last several days - thnx to my team.
Today I made one of the awesomest LCMs. I was talking about the emotional intelligence competency and its importance in times of emotional breakdown and demotivation. You know, the psychology stuff - self-awareness and taking the control over your own emotions. That was a big challenge for me at the beginning myself cause I am so emotional. Not now though. One developes such a nut shell during his LCP XP. Now I can control my feelings pretty good. No, not feelings, of course) Just emotions.
The other interesting issue was the qn about where should you stay - on the neutral side or positive... I looked through some materials and they say that you have to be balanced out to see all the effects - both positive and negative. But is it like that in ordinary life and is it the same in AIESEC. Guess I stick to the point of view that it is still better to stay more optimistic in real life but to be closer to the middle in AIESEC - to foresee the problems and to be ready to solve them. Interesting stuff.
Think of making list of the books which made big impact on my mind and mindset.
Just totally happy. With everything.
This is the positive momentum right now. And yesterday there was the negative.
Gosh, I wonder how much the stuff we believe in affects our life. It would be sad if all the things I discover for myself work just because I believe they work))))
So, yeah, need to get the momentum back and get balanced out.
Another interesting thought - but is it worth it? I love feeling strong emotions. They are sometimes the only thing I know 100% is real. But if I will always be balanced out, will life try to swing me back and forth again and again? Another thought to think about)
No definitely, you get proofs of the stuff you believe in - just cause you notice only those proofs, I guess.
Weird, though I didn't get enough time to sleep last night, and I feel very tired now, it feels like being exactly the "popcorn machine" - Dey's expression) Thoughts just pop up in my head every second.
Anyways, tomorrow is 2,2 yrs. Ready to enjoy the moment) Need to make sure its really 2,2 yrs)))))))))))) Bad with dates)))) Last time didn't remember any of the birthdays of my family exactly. What a shame - and I consider myself being a good person.
Going to sleep. Wanted to read first - didn't open a book for several days now - with a lot of stuff going on around. Too bad. The book has some interesting material to think about. I think, I gonna start quoting things I really like. It's name is "Blink" btw, by Malcolm Gladwell. Worth of reading. Some interesting points about relationships btw ppl which can be applied to many things beside all that 'true love' topic. And about other weird unconscious mechanisms running in ppl's heads and being unexplainable.
Hear it? Pop, pop, pop....
Need to calm down and go restore my sleeping cycle.
Overachiever. Proud to be LCP. Motivated. Trying to reach emotional balance now)
Next things to talk about on LCMs - capitalizing on weaknesses and social enterprise. Looking forward to elections)
________kisses__________
понедельник, 31 октября 2011
Life goes in circles.
Especially in AIESEC Kaliningrad.
Totally crashed down.
Need to be strong.
Especially in AIESEC Kaliningrad.
Totally crashed down.
Need to be strong.
среда, 26 октября 2011
Always wanted to go to Deutschland) Never knew why. Was scared to go not to be disappointed...
Now I'm in Berlin in the hostel. Just returned from the city and going to a pub in an hour. Alone. You know, there is some special feeling about travelling alone - you see a lot. You don't need to follow other person's wishes on where to go and what to visit... A lot of time for thinking... I feel like I start thinking too much))
So, anyways, Berlin, Germany... Just fell in love with it... Don't know why - weird feeling - like I've always lived here. Everything looks so familiar and close to heart... I definitely love travelling))
Started using this word too much... Self - convincing... lol
Tomorrow some more of Berlin and way home) A bit tired - plus a lot of stuff to do at home: uni tasks, chairing at the @IS, LC managing... Challenges & challenges...
Againg trying to balance out personal life and @.
Plans, thoughts, goals.
Being an overachiever again and again. Developing and getting stronger with every single minute at every sphere of my life.
Just AIESEC.
Now I'm in Berlin in the hostel. Just returned from the city and going to a pub in an hour. Alone. You know, there is some special feeling about travelling alone - you see a lot. You don't need to follow other person's wishes on where to go and what to visit... A lot of time for thinking... I feel like I start thinking too much))
So, anyways, Berlin, Germany... Just fell in love with it... Don't know why - weird feeling - like I've always lived here. Everything looks so familiar and close to heart... I definitely love travelling))
Started using this word too much... Self - convincing... lol
Tomorrow some more of Berlin and way home) A bit tired - plus a lot of stuff to do at home: uni tasks, chairing at the @IS, LC managing... Challenges & challenges...
Againg trying to balance out personal life and @.
Plans, thoughts, goals.
Being an overachiever again and again. Developing and getting stronger with every single minute at every sphere of my life.
Just AIESEC.
понедельник, 24 октября 2011
So, I hate the end of the conferences(((
I get to know people who really are amazing, and I just can't let them go...
And I hate saying "Good bye"... And I hate sugar cubes...
And the moment of leaving was soooo long((
You know, it's better to go away without ever turning back. Cause if I meet anyone in the future - than it has to be like that. If not - why look into yr past? Why ever look back? It won't make the moment of leaving easy.
Yeah, the conference really made me think at almost every side of my life. I met very different people. And each of them gave me smth small or big to learn and think about. Loved it.
And all the psycology "fluffy" stuff too))))))))))
Enjoyed every single moment from the first day till the end.
Decided on what to do next with my life. Solved several challenges. Looked at the world. Learned a lot for myself.
LCP stuff kinda.
Now start thinking of all the changes to make in my LC.
I get to know people who really are amazing, and I just can't let them go...
And I hate saying "Good bye"... And I hate sugar cubes...
And the moment of leaving was soooo long((
You know, it's better to go away without ever turning back. Cause if I meet anyone in the future - than it has to be like that. If not - why look into yr past? Why ever look back? It won't make the moment of leaving easy.
Yeah, the conference really made me think at almost every side of my life. I met very different people. And each of them gave me smth small or big to learn and think about. Loved it.
And all the psycology "fluffy" stuff too))))))))))
Enjoyed every single moment from the first day till the end.
Decided on what to do next with my life. Solved several challenges. Looked at the world. Learned a lot for myself.
LCP stuff kinda.
Now start thinking of all the changes to make in my LC.
вторник, 15 марта 2011
Hate ppl who are acting right in my face!
Hate ppl who think only about themselves!
Hate ppl who are covering up their real motives and reasons behind some lies aimed at making others feel guilty or uncomfortable.
My team is going to be a team no matter what. Real team. Enjoying the participation. And everyone would be able to kill for joining it!
Hate ppl who think only about themselves!
Hate ppl who are covering up their real motives and reasons behind some lies aimed at making others feel guilty or uncomfortable.
My team is going to be a team no matter what. Real team. Enjoying the participation. And everyone would be able to kill for joining it!
суббота, 12 февраля 2011
So... LCP elect...
Different attitude of ppl, high expectations, wild mood swings, all kind of plans in my head, fake speeches and constant critical analyzing of everything around, and constant feeling stressed, and constant tries to fit in the image and situation.
That's what it is - to be an LCP elect.
But I know the only thing - I don't want to be spoiled by power. I need smth to balance me out....
Well, no one said it will be easy...
Anyways I'm strong enough for almost anything, I'll manage)
Different attitude of ppl, high expectations, wild mood swings, all kind of plans in my head, fake speeches and constant critical analyzing of everything around, and constant feeling stressed, and constant tries to fit in the image and situation.
That's what it is - to be an LCP elect.
But I know the only thing - I don't want to be spoiled by power. I need smth to balance me out....
Well, no one said it will be easy...
Anyways I'm strong enough for almost anything, I'll manage)
пятница, 31 декабря 2010
2010 год...
Много было хорошего и плохого...
Выбрана ТМом в Айсеке, неудачное начало работы ЕВ, Plan-it, полгода как медовый месяц, одна привезла 5х стажёров в лагерь, качественный набор, потеря Артёма, отпустила Антона, клёвый корпорэйт, НатКо, решение, планы на ближайшие 3 года, успешный конец года,overachiever...
Неприятные моменты были, приятных ещё больше....
Одно не изменилось: люблю тебя, скучаю по тебе, хотела бы, чтобы ты был сейчас рядом, поэтому немножко грустно...
И так будет ещё где-то 3 года....
Но! Всё хорошо! Всё получится!
С Новым годом!
lossofsoul.com/info/2011.htm
Много было хорошего и плохого...
Выбрана ТМом в Айсеке, неудачное начало работы ЕВ, Plan-it, полгода как медовый месяц, одна привезла 5х стажёров в лагерь, качественный набор, потеря Артёма, отпустила Антона, клёвый корпорэйт, НатКо, решение, планы на ближайшие 3 года, успешный конец года,overachiever...
Неприятные моменты были, приятных ещё больше....
Одно не изменилось: люблю тебя, скучаю по тебе, хотела бы, чтобы ты был сейчас рядом, поэтому немножко грустно...
И так будет ещё где-то 3 года....
Но! Всё хорошо! Всё получится!
С Новым годом!
lossofsoul.com/info/2011.htm
воскресенье, 19 декабря 2010
Гордость - Не опоздала на пары (!!!)
Удача - Городков А. М. - лучший!! Market research half done!!)) Yay!!
Провал - Предстоящий зачёт у "Мужчины Всеобщей Мечты"
Радость - Море Суши, Общение с Нормальными людьми))))
Айсек - Мануал по мэтчингу
В первый раз - Сыр Камамбер до тошноты
Адреналин - Поездка с Катей(много мата)))
Приятно - Починка DVD-ROMа
Грусть - Ты далеко(((((
Самореализация - Петь!
Комфорт - Чай с лимоном.
День удался))))
А ещё - есть добро в мире: спасибо Катюше, Артёму, Анатолию Михайловичу, тем, кто спас ребят в Москве.
И всё же - "она просто привыкла. привыкла... к жизни в этом мире. она уже не обращает внимания на глупые насмешки за спиной, упреки, предательства, бесконечную ложь. она просто привыкла..." - про меня. А надо больше прощать людей и верить в них сильнее.
Продолжаю жить под девизами: "Constantly improve!" и "You can!"
Удача - Городков А. М. - лучший!! Market research half done!!)) Yay!!
Провал - Предстоящий зачёт у "Мужчины Всеобщей Мечты"
Радость - Море Суши, Общение с Нормальными людьми))))
Айсек - Мануал по мэтчингу
В первый раз - Сыр Камамбер до тошноты
Адреналин - Поездка с Катей(много мата)))
Приятно - Починка DVD-ROMа
Грусть - Ты далеко(((((
Самореализация - Петь!
Комфорт - Чай с лимоном.
День удался))))
А ещё - есть добро в мире: спасибо Катюше, Артёму, Анатолию Михайловичу, тем, кто спас ребят в Москве.
И всё же - "она просто привыкла. привыкла... к жизни в этом мире. она уже не обращает внимания на глупые насмешки за спиной, упреки, предательства, бесконечную ложь. она просто привыкла..." - про меня. А надо больше прощать людей и верить в них сильнее.
Продолжаю жить под девизами: "Constantly improve!" и "You can!"
четверг, 16 декабря 2010
Saw Allie on the Facebook... Looked through her friends... went to Myspace... Is it good to make such programs like FLEX? You live in different country for a year, you try to adapt, you try to make friends, you try to be them, to blend in and after that you are just leaving without knowing of ever coming back... What about ties made with such an effort? What about those who liked everything there better? I had a friend whose family environment was not so good, she went to America with me, she could never stop spilling tears on the way back, she couldn't talk to anyone. All because smn was nice to her, nicer than her Mom... I'm sure she meant nothing for them. It's almost always like that. Even me...I didn't try to make heartbreaking ties there, but I got to know so many ppl... Known or not they left their trace in my life, during that challenging year. I am going to America, but to the North and just to compare. It's going to be a bit later. But I still wasn't going to see them, I wouldn't be able to even if I wanted. They all are graduates now, probably all around America. And though most of them weren't my friends, I didn't like that place enough to want to come back and settle, I still somehow feel like I miss them all... One of them more than all others. Which still doesn't make any difference. Several skeletons in the dark corner of my heart... So why does it hurt so bad if they didn't mean much to me??
And trying to be an overachiever!
And some people are too strange to even be worth of any attempt to understand!
And didn't get a word from u!(
And gonna stay up all night!
And was almost excellent today!
And need a new plan!
And some people are too strange to even be worth of any attempt to understand!
And didn't get a word from u!(
And gonna stay up all night!
And was almost excellent today!
And need a new plan!
четверг, 03 сентября 2009
Today was the first day of studies. Surprisingly it went easier than I thought it would.
And today I've been elected the Reception Coordinator. It was almost official though our LCP is still in Malaysia. Honestly, I don't understand why they all wanted to do the elections so fast. I didn't know about the day until last minute. So I actually didn't write out the speech properly. Too bad. Another OCP candidate had it perfect. Though that doesn't matter - we were applying for different projects. The thing is that I was the only candidate for my project so this all is like a joke - all the elections))) Another good thing about that is that VP OGX will send me an EP to match and in some time I'll be a full member))) Cool))
Had a fight with a Boss. Confused with all the people still( All of them want something different))
So today I decided to celebrate my new position and made a special dinner. That was such a mess))))
I'm going to slow down with this diary. I am actually not that kind of person to write everything you think in a diary every single day. That is really tiring(( I just wanted to try it that way first. From now on I'll write only in case I have some very strong feelings about something. Or just when I would want to say smth out loud. I'm thinking about removing the address of it from my page. But we'll see. Now I really don't have anything to write about. No, I actually always have something to talk about, it's just nothing special. So... a little bit of rest during the break))
And today I've been elected the Reception Coordinator. It was almost official though our LCP is still in Malaysia. Honestly, I don't understand why they all wanted to do the elections so fast. I didn't know about the day until last minute. So I actually didn't write out the speech properly. Too bad. Another OCP candidate had it perfect. Though that doesn't matter - we were applying for different projects. The thing is that I was the only candidate for my project so this all is like a joke - all the elections))) Another good thing about that is that VP OGX will send me an EP to match and in some time I'll be a full member))) Cool))
Had a fight with a Boss. Confused with all the people still( All of them want something different))
So today I decided to celebrate my new position and made a special dinner. That was such a mess))))
I'm going to slow down with this diary. I am actually not that kind of person to write everything you think in a diary every single day. That is really tiring(( I just wanted to try it that way first. From now on I'll write only in case I have some very strong feelings about something. Or just when I would want to say smth out loud. I'm thinking about removing the address of it from my page. But we'll see. Now I really don't have anything to write about. No, I actually always have something to talk about, it's just nothing special. So... a little bit of rest during the break))
среда, 02 сентября 2009
Mom is gone. House is empty without her. And I feel kind of lonely though my Best friend is sitting next to me with a beer and shrimp)))
Today there was a lot, no, like A LOT of work for @. And some @ers are so self confident. They like to push a lot without any proper reason but they don't do their work properly. Gosh. I'm tired of all of them. I really would like to go somewhere to different LC and find out how things are going there.
And our studies start tomorrow, wait, no, today. That sucks. Don't want to go there.Still have to turn in an essay.
I feel kind of totally messed up right now. Have you ever had this feeling that you have to be somewhere else, not here, like you don't belong to your nowadays life. The feeling when all people around you seem to be uninteresting strangers of no use for you. I sometimes do feel like that. And it seems that when I will have independent life I'll be so far from here that everything appears so stupid and useless. I know this is only one of the states of my mood. I wish I could control such periods and stay cheerful and funny as usual but sometimes stupid people just drive me crazy. There are so many of them((
And I still don't have any news from americans and something is definitely going on there. But no one tells about it me(( Still worried.
Well, I've been very usefull today so I'd better go to bed. Tomorrow there will be different day and that also means different mood)) That easy))
Today there was a lot, no, like A LOT of work for @. And some @ers are so self confident. They like to push a lot without any proper reason but they don't do their work properly. Gosh. I'm tired of all of them. I really would like to go somewhere to different LC and find out how things are going there.
And our studies start tomorrow, wait, no, today. That sucks. Don't want to go there.Still have to turn in an essay.
I feel kind of totally messed up right now. Have you ever had this feeling that you have to be somewhere else, not here, like you don't belong to your nowadays life. The feeling when all people around you seem to be uninteresting strangers of no use for you. I sometimes do feel like that. And it seems that when I will have independent life I'll be so far from here that everything appears so stupid and useless. I know this is only one of the states of my mood. I wish I could control such periods and stay cheerful and funny as usual but sometimes stupid people just drive me crazy. There are so many of them((
And I still don't have any news from americans and something is definitely going on there. But no one tells about it me(( Still worried.
Well, I've been very usefull today so I'd better go to bed. Tomorrow there will be different day and that also means different mood)) That easy))
вторник, 01 сентября 2009
Well. Yes, we did it. Woohoo!!!!! It's quite risky, I should say, jumping with a paraсhute. There was 3-hour training and our instructor was very scary. He was from airborne military people. He was huge, bald and aggressive. But he seemed very funny in the end of the day)) We all became like a family)) So, yeah, there might be so many dangerous situations in the sky when you have to act in a special way and without any panic... Trying to remember all the information and being quite nervous we had to wait until sportsmen made their jumps. And that was cool, cause they had all the height and paraсhutes you could control. But new people get just simple automatic parachutes you can't control and only (!!!!) 600 meters of height. So the jump lasts for only about 1 minute. And first half of it you are trying to check the paraсhute above you - if it is fine, and the second half of it you are thinking about landing))) I didn't have time to look around properly(( Another thing was that I didn't have time to get scared neither when I had to jump out of the plane, nor during the flight down. But it still is like a great deed, like I've overcome something else)) So, yeah, I'm going to jump at least 2 more times. First of all, I'm not going to think about anything but beauty around me next time, secondly, when you jump 3 times - you are considered to be a paraсhuter. And after all it's still very exciting. And next summer I'll go bungee - jumping))
Yesterday I was shocked by the fact that my Mom is leaving actually tomorrow and not on Wednesday, so soon.
Tomorrow I had to go to work but smth happened and I am actually quite worried. Though americans have to be still on their way. Or not. May be they got lost... Goodness, what if something happened to a child, not to them.... Allright. Stop. Everything is going to be fine. Totally fine. Let's wait until I know about everything.
Stupid @ work. I've spent all the day just looking at the pictures on the net for our poster. I'm going to become perfect designer))) Photoshop designer)))
I got one more idea of one more tattoe. Now I'm 100% sure that with that number of tattoe' ideas I'll manage to do at least 1 this year)))
And the worst news is that we are starting our studies on Wednesday(( I was hoping that may be I'll have this week off or smth. But no. They also make me mad with their schedule. I'd rather had 1 full day of courses than 4 days with 1 course a day. So stupid. All the week is wasted. Well, I'm sure I'll find couple of ways to have fun)
And that virtual man appeared to be full of crap. As I was afraid of. Oh God. And I can do nothing for her((( I would give away my life for her if it could help((( That's, by the way, how I measure love. There are only 2 people I would give away my life for. That's how I love them. You just have to ask yourself: "Do you love that person enough to be ready to die for him?" And that's it...
Yesterday I was shocked by the fact that my Mom is leaving actually tomorrow and not on Wednesday, so soon.
Tomorrow I had to go to work but smth happened and I am actually quite worried. Though americans have to be still on their way. Or not. May be they got lost... Goodness, what if something happened to a child, not to them.... Allright. Stop. Everything is going to be fine. Totally fine. Let's wait until I know about everything.
Stupid @ work. I've spent all the day just looking at the pictures on the net for our poster. I'm going to become perfect designer))) Photoshop designer)))
I got one more idea of one more tattoe. Now I'm 100% sure that with that number of tattoe' ideas I'll manage to do at least 1 this year)))
And the worst news is that we are starting our studies on Wednesday(( I was hoping that may be I'll have this week off or smth. But no. They also make me mad with their schedule. I'd rather had 1 full day of courses than 4 days with 1 course a day. So stupid. All the week is wasted. Well, I'm sure I'll find couple of ways to have fun)
And that virtual man appeared to be full of crap. As I was afraid of. Oh God. And I can do nothing for her((( I would give away my life for her if it could help((( That's, by the way, how I measure love. There are only 2 people I would give away my life for. That's how I love them. You just have to ask yourself: "Do you love that person enough to be ready to die for him?" And that's it...
воскресенье, 30 августа 2009
I'm totally flexible))) Today I suddenly got a call from my work and had to change all my plans and go help americans. And you know what??? I really love changing everything around me: direction, plans, people or activities. And the more sudden it is - the better)) Yeah, it's all easy now, when I'm young...
Well, anyways today I marked that I'm walking around the city and laughing at people. They all look so funny and cute. Every one of them has their own life and small truth. I love people. I've always been an altruist but previously constantly got "beaten up" for that(( Now @ gives me an opportunity to help people, and my work gives me an opportunity to help people build their families and give small children a chance to have a better life. And that's why I feel strong and almighty now)) And that's why I'm smiling at people in the streets no matter how crazy they think I am))) I still love them. Just like that)) Though usually it works like "I love people - I just don't show it to some of them"))))) or "I love people until I get to know them better")))))
Met the guy whom I studied with at school. He is in the police college now, drinking, smoking, everything like that. He started telling me stories about what happens at their college when they all get drunk. Seriously, I hate it when guys talk about that. Yes, may be this is funny but can't you see that it makes me make a lot of not very good conclusions about you?! And in the end, it's not so funny! It's tragic. Some guys manage to get out of this drinking period but some don't. And he also kept telling me that all people are the same. God, I can't get tired of discovering something new every time in my friends, and I still can't be sure about their reaction in different situations. Cause it all depends on so many things: from circumstances to even their mood. Our opinions were so different - cause we are different. And what about personality? There are aggressive and cruel people and there are kind and funny ones. Why, are we like same dolls from one factory?? No way. There was another interesting topic we talked about. His brother has just got married. The bride is 20. Another girl from our school group got married. She is 20. I'd thought that the "cursed" age was 22 for girls. 20??? Too early. Guys are still kids at 22, may be girls are mentally more grown up then guys but not at 20. Ridiculous. If you are sure you've found the right person, your person, does it matter when you are going to get married???? 3 years earlier or 3 years later. Or do you just need to tie up someone to yourself?? No, I think there has to be a separate apartment and even some good time period of living together. There has to be a life of one small but fully independent family of adults. Seems like we are going Asia)) Very soon the marriage age for girls will be like 14)))
Another thing almost about that is that today I saw a boy driving a very nice car. My point is that I can't call him a guy, that was a boy, seriously. He seemed to be like 15-16, not more than that. And if he is driving - then he has to be like 18 at least(( Nowadays guys look so small(( And girls - to the opposite. By the way there was one next to him in the car, her appearance was like of 25, though she for sure was less than that. Yeah, unfortunately, guys start looking somewhat like men at 25 or even more. Yeah, well... At least I'm so not going to get married approximately next 5 years))
Well, anyways today I marked that I'm walking around the city and laughing at people. They all look so funny and cute. Every one of them has their own life and small truth. I love people. I've always been an altruist but previously constantly got "beaten up" for that(( Now @ gives me an opportunity to help people, and my work gives me an opportunity to help people build their families and give small children a chance to have a better life. And that's why I feel strong and almighty now)) And that's why I'm smiling at people in the streets no matter how crazy they think I am))) I still love them. Just like that)) Though usually it works like "I love people - I just don't show it to some of them"))))) or "I love people until I get to know them better")))))
Met the guy whom I studied with at school. He is in the police college now, drinking, smoking, everything like that. He started telling me stories about what happens at their college when they all get drunk. Seriously, I hate it when guys talk about that. Yes, may be this is funny but can't you see that it makes me make a lot of not very good conclusions about you?! And in the end, it's not so funny! It's tragic. Some guys manage to get out of this drinking period but some don't. And he also kept telling me that all people are the same. God, I can't get tired of discovering something new every time in my friends, and I still can't be sure about their reaction in different situations. Cause it all depends on so many things: from circumstances to even their mood. Our opinions were so different - cause we are different. And what about personality? There are aggressive and cruel people and there are kind and funny ones. Why, are we like same dolls from one factory?? No way. There was another interesting topic we talked about. His brother has just got married. The bride is 20. Another girl from our school group got married. She is 20. I'd thought that the "cursed" age was 22 for girls. 20??? Too early. Guys are still kids at 22, may be girls are mentally more grown up then guys but not at 20. Ridiculous. If you are sure you've found the right person, your person, does it matter when you are going to get married???? 3 years earlier or 3 years later. Or do you just need to tie up someone to yourself?? No, I think there has to be a separate apartment and even some good time period of living together. There has to be a life of one small but fully independent family of adults. Seems like we are going Asia)) Very soon the marriage age for girls will be like 14)))
Another thing almost about that is that today I saw a boy driving a very nice car. My point is that I can't call him a guy, that was a boy, seriously. He seemed to be like 15-16, not more than that. And if he is driving - then he has to be like 18 at least(( Nowadays guys look so small(( And girls - to the opposite. By the way there was one next to him in the car, her appearance was like of 25, though she for sure was less than that. Yeah, unfortunately, guys start looking somewhat like men at 25 or even more. Yeah, well... At least I'm so not going to get married approximately next 5 years))
пятница, 28 августа 2009
@@@@@ - whole day))) Everything's cool!!! All projects are going fine. There are some good results. We are cool))) Everything is not so hopeless))))) I'm so glad)))
And the main event of the day: my mentor came back from the internship!!!!)))) I so love her. She is trying to adapt back to Koenig now. And it is so hard to accomplish if everything was so cool previously. I can totally understand her. I was in such condition after the SumMeet( But it's easier for me cause I'm a Gemini. I just need some new emotions)) But she's a Scorpio. Everything is much more difficult for them(( She'll need more time for adapting.
Anyways, there's going to be a Welcome party for her and our new intern from Poland next week. I decided to throw it at home. We'll see how bad it's gonna end)))
Yesterday I was still thinking about my tattoes. And I decide what I want and even where. They all will be very small so not to look vulgar. But today I was suggested a good idea. We have Rec in Moscow and then Natco in St. Petersburg. I can get temporary tattoe during Rec and if I like it I'll get a permanent one during Natco. Sounds perfect. That way I'll decide if I'm ready to get a permanent one and like it's place.
Today due to all the information from @ I felt overloaded first time during this summer. It was at the end of the meeting when I understood that I hadn't understood a word of our Com. No, not like all her words. I understood every each of them separately, but I couldn't get the sense they made alltogether)))
Still jumping this weekend. On Sunday)))) And I guess there will be more people than I thought jumping with me. This will be so awesome)))))
Today my mentor asked me about applying to EB. I would really want it. The thing is that IS manager is not in EB. In other LCs they even don't have such project and we help that way to our Com. And my Boss wants to apply for Com.... And I don't want to compete with him... And I don't want to be an ICX VP... And I don't feel like ER or anything else... If my Boss will be Com we will not need IS then. Gosh everything is so complicated... And I don't want to waste my time in @. Well, we'll see.
Totally need to start doing joga again. Made a small research for our city and found out that I don't like any of places where they give courses of joga. And I want to do some of it in groups with a teacher before doing it alone at home. Well, I chose one place. Need to go find out everything at the Coach. Yeah, that's probably it.
From now on I will try to listen to myself more and try to find several words for my soul state in the end of diary.
Today I feel ------ really free and strong.
Love this feeling)
And the main event of the day: my mentor came back from the internship!!!!)))) I so love her. She is trying to adapt back to Koenig now. And it is so hard to accomplish if everything was so cool previously. I can totally understand her. I was in such condition after the SumMeet( But it's easier for me cause I'm a Gemini. I just need some new emotions)) But she's a Scorpio. Everything is much more difficult for them(( She'll need more time for adapting.
Anyways, there's going to be a Welcome party for her and our new intern from Poland next week. I decided to throw it at home. We'll see how bad it's gonna end)))
Yesterday I was still thinking about my tattoes. And I decide what I want and even where. They all will be very small so not to look vulgar. But today I was suggested a good idea. We have Rec in Moscow and then Natco in St. Petersburg. I can get temporary tattoe during Rec and if I like it I'll get a permanent one during Natco. Sounds perfect. That way I'll decide if I'm ready to get a permanent one and like it's place.
Today due to all the information from @ I felt overloaded first time during this summer. It was at the end of the meeting when I understood that I hadn't understood a word of our Com. No, not like all her words. I understood every each of them separately, but I couldn't get the sense they made alltogether)))
Still jumping this weekend. On Sunday)))) And I guess there will be more people than I thought jumping with me. This will be so awesome)))))
Today my mentor asked me about applying to EB. I would really want it. The thing is that IS manager is not in EB. In other LCs they even don't have such project and we help that way to our Com. And my Boss wants to apply for Com.... And I don't want to compete with him... And I don't want to be an ICX VP... And I don't feel like ER or anything else... If my Boss will be Com we will not need IS then. Gosh everything is so complicated... And I don't want to waste my time in @. Well, we'll see.
Totally need to start doing joga again. Made a small research for our city and found out that I don't like any of places where they give courses of joga. And I want to do some of it in groups with a teacher before doing it alone at home. Well, I chose one place. Need to go find out everything at the Coach. Yeah, that's probably it.
From now on I will try to listen to myself more and try to find several words for my soul state in the end of diary.
Today I feel ------ really free and strong.
Love this feeling)
четверг, 27 августа 2009
The day've been kind of slow... Today I decided to sleep through half of it though usually I don't do this. I personally think the time which has been used for sleeping is a wasted time. I don't understand people who say that most of all in their life they enjoy sleeping. Or it's their hobby. You have to be completely unmotivated and uninteresting and lazy to sleep all day... But today I got up at 1 pm. Just because I didn't have to go anywhere. That's why I didn't feel so good afterwards. Like overslept. Good thing that I was flying in my dreams. Bad thing that it was kind of hard and there still were a lot of unnecessary people(( But still))) Like in books of Zeland - you just have to wake up and wish for smth inside your dreams and everything you want will come true right away))) Unfortunately, the whole process is much more complicated in real life((
Yeah, the books, I just have to buy Kastaneda in the bookstore. It's not like the kind of books which you can listen in MP3 and I doubt that I'll like reading it on my laptop(( The thing is that it's for about 2,9 Gb on my computer, I wonder how many thick books it's going to be in print??? And I've never seen it in Kaliningrad shops.... Oh, I have to read it though it's not like some theories I'm used to, like Zeland's books. It's written like a tale, a story. A mystic story... Don't like this style. And then I have to start reading my professional books. I know very cool web-page where you can download bunch of them.
This weekend I'm jumping with a parachute. That has to be so cool. First of all, I'll finally fly in real life. Secondly, I'm going to overcome the fear of free falling. Cause the only kind of attractions I haven't tried yet is the one where they get you at some hight and just drop. Then take you up again and drop again. Every other attraction is fine for me. I feel sorry we don't have permanent attraction park for adults. My favorite attraction looks like a huge T with 4 seats on both ends of horisontal bar. So this bar spins around it's middle point and the seats are spinning around themselves. That is so cool. You are totally flying. So yes. I'm looking forward to jumping during the weekend)) Excited)))
Tried to look up any tattoo pics today but I don't like any of them. I still don't know what I want to get and the main thing - where. I don't want my tattoo to be seen immediately.... I want to be able to put on an evening dress so no one will see a tattoo. And I want it to look good at the seaside on the beach... That leaves not very many places. I have couple of thoughts about covering up my scar... But I have to try another medical alternatives first... So it all gets very complicated when I start thinking about it... And I wanted one since like 2006. And I don't like the idea of temporary one. Either I'm getting a real tattoo or nothing at all. I don't like the possibility of having big black spot if smth. Yeah, and I'm not sure about the color either.... Difficult to decide.
Tomorrow will be a lot of @ work and meetings. So I'll be quite busy till like Tuesday which is the X day ))))
Yeah, the books, I just have to buy Kastaneda in the bookstore. It's not like the kind of books which you can listen in MP3 and I doubt that I'll like reading it on my laptop(( The thing is that it's for about 2,9 Gb on my computer, I wonder how many thick books it's going to be in print??? And I've never seen it in Kaliningrad shops.... Oh, I have to read it though it's not like some theories I'm used to, like Zeland's books. It's written like a tale, a story. A mystic story... Don't like this style. And then I have to start reading my professional books. I know very cool web-page where you can download bunch of them.
This weekend I'm jumping with a parachute. That has to be so cool. First of all, I'll finally fly in real life. Secondly, I'm going to overcome the fear of free falling. Cause the only kind of attractions I haven't tried yet is the one where they get you at some hight and just drop. Then take you up again and drop again. Every other attraction is fine for me. I feel sorry we don't have permanent attraction park for adults. My favorite attraction looks like a huge T with 4 seats on both ends of horisontal bar. So this bar spins around it's middle point and the seats are spinning around themselves. That is so cool. You are totally flying. So yes. I'm looking forward to jumping during the weekend)) Excited)))
Tried to look up any tattoo pics today but I don't like any of them. I still don't know what I want to get and the main thing - where. I don't want my tattoo to be seen immediately.... I want to be able to put on an evening dress so no one will see a tattoo. And I want it to look good at the seaside on the beach... That leaves not very many places. I have couple of thoughts about covering up my scar... But I have to try another medical alternatives first... So it all gets very complicated when I start thinking about it... And I wanted one since like 2006. And I don't like the idea of temporary one. Either I'm getting a real tattoo or nothing at all. I don't like the possibility of having big black spot if smth. Yeah, and I'm not sure about the color either.... Difficult to decide.
Tomorrow will be a lot of @ work and meetings. So I'll be quite busy till like Tuesday which is the X day ))))
среда, 26 августа 2009
I love myself!)))) Only such person like me can forget some things or/and people which were the center of his life couple of days ago. Of course, that's not very good. From one point of view. And from another - it's just wonderful! That way I know which of my feelings and desires are real. And which of them are fake)) And I constantly need to be under some emotions - from events or people - doesn't matter. Any emotions. After some period of time which is different every time, I forget all of it and need something new. And if I don't get anything new I go blue and sad(( That's so me. Like all of it! So I'm in search of something new now))
Yesterday was not very interesting except that I was told that I look good standing next to the building where they register marriages. Like, no way!))) And we celebrated my Grandpa's bday. My pupil decided not to come to me. Will have to be more strict with him next time(( Yeah, I'm getting worried about my dreams. Dreams are very important part of my life. I still often fly at night, and my dreams are always very bright and colorful and almost always make sense. Dreams were the first sign which told me that I was getting healthy back in July. So yeah, the problem is that I stopped flying or swimming(( I have some quest dreams now with a lot of familiar people though I hardly ever had many people in my dreams, especially familiar ones. I don't like it. I want my dreams back!!!!
Also yesterday we went out to chat at night with my Best friend. God, he's like my family. More than him I trust only my Mom. Though we also have some topics we rather don't discuss with each other. But in everything else - he's my closest one. Like most of my good old friends are guys. You can't be real friends with a girl. I have couple I can call friends of mine but... Guys are better. May be I am over perfectionist but guys' definition of a 'friend' is so much closer to me)) I can call my Best friend at night and suggest to go somewhere till 10 in the morning and he'll agree)) So yesterday we went to the park and had fun)) Till 2 a.m.)))) And there were swings))) I love swings)) Feels like you're flying))
And today I also had work)) By the way there are some problems with one of the families but I think everything will be fine. And that was not my mistake... I'll see... Also I met one of my old friends today. A future doctor))) Making some network))) Goodness, he's drinking more and more((( I start worrying for him. Anothing thing is that today I've learned how to make perfect bbq)))) Have to try it when Mom will be gone)) That would be another cool day somewhere in the forest))) And tomorrow I have not much to do at all. Well, then I will watch several movies cause number of them on my computer is increasing and I don't have time to watch anything. Bad thing is that in @ your work depends on so many people(( I could already finish everything but I have to get different pieces of information from different people(( That sucks. Especially when fresh OCP of your project suddenly leaves @ at all. Planning on going to the movies tomorrow. Though the schedule of this week is so weird - same movie 2-3 times a night. I guess the place where they have all the films probably got burned to the floor))) Well, we'll see))
I'm all so complete and almost happy)))) Cause I'm completely free from my own thoughts)))
Yesterday was not very interesting except that I was told that I look good standing next to the building where they register marriages. Like, no way!))) And we celebrated my Grandpa's bday. My pupil decided not to come to me. Will have to be more strict with him next time(( Yeah, I'm getting worried about my dreams. Dreams are very important part of my life. I still often fly at night, and my dreams are always very bright and colorful and almost always make sense. Dreams were the first sign which told me that I was getting healthy back in July. So yeah, the problem is that I stopped flying or swimming(( I have some quest dreams now with a lot of familiar people though I hardly ever had many people in my dreams, especially familiar ones. I don't like it. I want my dreams back!!!!
Also yesterday we went out to chat at night with my Best friend. God, he's like my family. More than him I trust only my Mom. Though we also have some topics we rather don't discuss with each other. But in everything else - he's my closest one. Like most of my good old friends are guys. You can't be real friends with a girl. I have couple I can call friends of mine but... Guys are better. May be I am over perfectionist but guys' definition of a 'friend' is so much closer to me)) I can call my Best friend at night and suggest to go somewhere till 10 in the morning and he'll agree)) So yesterday we went to the park and had fun)) Till 2 a.m.)))) And there were swings))) I love swings)) Feels like you're flying))
And today I also had work)) By the way there are some problems with one of the families but I think everything will be fine. And that was not my mistake... I'll see... Also I met one of my old friends today. A future doctor))) Making some network))) Goodness, he's drinking more and more((( I start worrying for him. Anothing thing is that today I've learned how to make perfect bbq)))) Have to try it when Mom will be gone)) That would be another cool day somewhere in the forest))) And tomorrow I have not much to do at all. Well, then I will watch several movies cause number of them on my computer is increasing and I don't have time to watch anything. Bad thing is that in @ your work depends on so many people(( I could already finish everything but I have to get different pieces of information from different people(( That sucks. Especially when fresh OCP of your project suddenly leaves @ at all. Planning on going to the movies tomorrow. Though the schedule of this week is so weird - same movie 2-3 times a night. I guess the place where they have all the films probably got burned to the floor))) Well, we'll see))
I'm all so complete and almost happy)))) Cause I'm completely free from my own thoughts)))
@музыка:
Reamon - Supergirl 
понедельник, 24 августа 2009
Tired))) In a good way))) Today I was at the seaside celebrating my friend's birthday)) Guess what? Only such girl like me could forget to take a swimsuit))))))))))))) But I couldn't, of course, resist sunbathing, so I had to do it in my underwear))))) That was not all that fun)))) but I had to))) Oh, I also met a guy there who once was very close to me. That is a long story and not everything was good at that time. But today I was so happy to see he was so fine!!))) Seriously!!)) I met him for about half a year ago and he looked like a person without any goals or even desire to live. And I couldn't get anything out of him(( But today he was quite normally looking and behaving and talking)))) He hasn't had that easy life... Neither one of us had... But everything was good today!)))) So I'm happy for him!)
Then, I'm so glad we are now so close with all my university girls) Some of them, of course, have their own stuff in their heads but I can understand all of it)) For example, one of them today tried to prove me that @ is just a waste of time)))) She had been trying to do it for a long time. I even got tired of it)) The funny thing - she doesn't know anything about our life))))) And she is a kind of person who never agrees with the fact he is wrong(( So that was quite tiring( But it's ok)) We decided to have several pj parties when my Mom will leave! OMG, it's so soon. 1 week and she'll go to Greece. I'm so glad she's already been in so many countries)) Almost everywhere in Europe))) And I will have 14 days of independent life))))) So I'm going to throw a couple of parties)) But, shush! That's my little secret)))
And tomorrow I have some work with my americans)) The bad thing is that I won't be able to go to that @' training about raising(( And that would be so useful for me(( But everything happens for good so I guess it is be better for me not to be there. And my pupil is coming tomorrow and after that I have another bday celebration!! My dear Grandfather is 83!! 83!! Seriously!! I really love him though he is not my real Grandpa)) He has an ideal personality!! He is so smart and funny and patient! Really, he manages to live with my Granny))))
Today one of my friends told me that if I stop using make up and take of my nails she will have to take me to the monastery)))) That's cause I refused to smoke with her))) As to alcohol, they made me promise that I at least smell their wine)))) Well, I did it))) We all had a good time)))
And I will also never be tired of falling in love again and again with my favourite city and the nature around it and the sea. I'm so totally an outside person))) I now think it was my city's energy which helped me to cure myself. Such a little miracle. And very big one for me)) When you get sick - it's a sign that something in your life is going wrong and you have to change!
Then, I'm so glad we are now so close with all my university girls) Some of them, of course, have their own stuff in their heads but I can understand all of it)) For example, one of them today tried to prove me that @ is just a waste of time)))) She had been trying to do it for a long time. I even got tired of it)) The funny thing - she doesn't know anything about our life))))) And she is a kind of person who never agrees with the fact he is wrong(( So that was quite tiring( But it's ok)) We decided to have several pj parties when my Mom will leave! OMG, it's so soon. 1 week and she'll go to Greece. I'm so glad she's already been in so many countries)) Almost everywhere in Europe))) And I will have 14 days of independent life))))) So I'm going to throw a couple of parties)) But, shush! That's my little secret)))
And tomorrow I have some work with my americans)) The bad thing is that I won't be able to go to that @' training about raising(( And that would be so useful for me(( But everything happens for good so I guess it is be better for me not to be there. And my pupil is coming tomorrow and after that I have another bday celebration!! My dear Grandfather is 83!! 83!! Seriously!! I really love him though he is not my real Grandpa)) He has an ideal personality!! He is so smart and funny and patient! Really, he manages to live with my Granny))))
Today one of my friends told me that if I stop using make up and take of my nails she will have to take me to the monastery)))) That's cause I refused to smoke with her))) As to alcohol, they made me promise that I at least smell their wine)))) Well, I did it))) We all had a good time)))
And I will also never be tired of falling in love again and again with my favourite city and the nature around it and the sea. I'm so totally an outside person))) I now think it was my city's energy which helped me to cure myself. Such a little miracle. And very big one for me)) When you get sick - it's a sign that something in your life is going wrong and you have to change!