Overunderemotional... Or the other way around??

Two days break....
Now I'm sitting here... tired... a bit sad... thinking about you... Wtf? What is going on? How is it going to look like? What am I doing to myself? Do I need it? Do YOU need it? Yes, I got the point. What do YOU think about all this and whom do YOU need to think about you? cold... frozen... but ready to get started... and nothing from you... and not sure if there will be something or even is something... pain...or not...unsure... wtf... Can I forget you right away? Maybe, yes. Do I want it? Maybe, no.
That's what's going on inside of me(( and that's how it usually is after several emotional events. I'm just drained)) Need to insert next CD))
So, events...
First, the bye-bye party. It was pretty cool. There were a lot of people, mostly alumni. Which is good. Though I didn't quite got the results I wanted to get from this party... But I don't regret at all. One thing I get to 100% is that @LC has to be and feel like one team to act sustainable)) Right, I memorized at least couple of values)) That's good)) Anyways, all my ideas got approved and that's it, well, that's good too, cause now I know my ideas are not so stupid altogether))) It's just I am not really satisfied with them by myself. Yeah, I was talking about the party... Can't get myself to like all those drinking games... I don't know... Totally not Bitches-bitches' person... Need to make up some good nick...Well, I hope it'll come later. The only thing I didn't like at the party were some of the alumni. Like, there are some people who, if they know more at some area (or they think they know more), start acting like they are the smartest ones, the stars, and everyone else need to listen to them and just obey. Hate such people! Any good manager will tell that this is such a mistake. That's why during the Summeet, people were afraid to come to CC team though guys were working only for them. Well, that's were only some particular people and some alumni were quite normal and adequate)) The behavior can already tell you about a person and his personality and state of his mind)) So that would be enough for the party. Except that, unfortunately, my friends who were not @ers didn't fit)) Yeah, and it happened that I brought 2 non@ people to this party)))) That was funny)) As I said, unfortunately, no results... Well, at least I gave my Best friend some new emotions. And that is good)) The most funny part was when at 3 in the morning I remembered that I have my work that very day at 10.00 I was quite shocked I forgot it so I had to hurry and go home. Unfortunately. I got only 4 hours to sleep. So good I don't drink or I guess they would just fire me))
Yes, so, second, my work. The thing I'm starting to get is that I love my job. No, seriously, I love my job!!! I guess I will give up my manager's profession and just be an interpreter))) Seriously, you are going around in a good car with good people and doing only one thing - talking! New people, new emotions - fully enjoying it))) I just have to learn second language))) I want German!! And then, to go to Germany!!!!! Though it's second popular language and it might be not that usefull... still! Gosh, I have so much to do in my life!!! So many opportunities)) And during today I almost found out how to make good barbecue)) And I'm learning so much about children))) And where we have places with children's clothes, toys, strollers and other stuff)) And everything is so cute!)) As my xbf said, maternal instinct awakes at 20 yrs old))) Another thing is that everything is quite expensive and the child will grow out of these things like in 3 yrs... So where do you put all this then?? It would be completely useless(( and still cute)))
Third thing is that I was eating and eating all second part of the day!! I gained like 3 or even 4 kgs(( And tomorrow I have my friend's Bday!! And this means more eating))) That's awfull(( I have to stop!)) While I was writing all this my mood went up a bit))) Still, these days were quite fun)) Oh, and there still are those games with someone I'd rather not have it with((( He's older and smarter, but I feel all that kind of stuff, all his traps(( Just don't like it. Though I'll still try to be very nice to him, he'd already heard enough from me. Men have their pride no matter what, and you can't touch this part of them no matter what. Well, I can perfectly understand that.)) Another thing about these days was that all my old friends suddenly decided to call me)) But I've changed so much and all of them were like, OMG and Wtf?? Well, that's the way I am)) I can't guarantee you anything about myself, everything can change in one second))

@музыка: С. Тайх - Больно

@настроение: unsure...

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Too much chocolate, too little time ;)

Today I ate a box of chocolate all alone!!!!!! And I have no idea why!!!!! I've always been sugarholic but never that much)))))
And I'm such a good girl!!! I've done half of on-line promo today!!!!))) Yey))) Though I couldn't concentrate on doing it half of day too(( Kept thinking about some particular people... That just sucks(((
Nevertheless, I've got a second Daddy today XDDDD I granted this position to my Boss))) And he's got some privileges now))) Now he can call me some special name, my VIP name)))))) OMG, I had so much fun and so much work today)))
And tomorrow there going to be a party where I can communicate with people!!! Like real people!! Cause I've been sitting at home in front of the computer for several days already and that's too much for an extravert!
And there is a lesson with my pupil too. I have to find smth for him to translate. And last time we talked about it he asked me to find Twilight or Spider man)))))))))) Twilight))))))))) After he called this name out loud I just tried to hold on and not to laugh))) and he was saying smth about that he's not like really into this story but wouldn't mind reading it or smth for at least 10 minutes))))) soooo funny))) He's so cute. ))) Have no idea how I will print smth out, but I'll try to find it at least))) So is it really true that guys don't like the Twilight story? Or they just pretend specially for girls? ))))) I'll have to figure it out)))) Though even my Best friend once told me he hates it and even if HE told me this I guess it will be hard to find out the truth))) But the thought that guys actually might like the Twilight story despite all their words makes me laugh)))
And there was another small but very promising event today!!!)) Probably, that is why I'm so high now)))))) But I won't tell anyone!!!)))))) Not to spoil anything!!!!)))))))Seriously!!!!!)))

@настроение: happy))))))

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One lost day...

That was one awful day(( The reason is my computer. I have no idea what my Mom had done to it but Opera just refused to work. Error, error, error, error... Hate this word(( And from the very morning till around five in the evening my Boss ( ^_^ ) and me tried to figure it out. The day has been completely lost((( No, seriously, none of good browsers now work on my computer. Neither Opera nor Firefox. That's a thing about computers: even if you think you know at least smth about them, they like to prove the opposite. Unfortunately, I'm so not a programmer. Or may be it's good - I can be freaky enough))) Anyways, my computer is going wild these days. And it drives me completely crazy. Another thing is about children. They grow sooooo fast!! I've been tutoring the boy since like February, may be. So he left for his summer break. And then he returned.... He is almost taller then me!! And he is only in his 8 grade of Middle school!! And, of course, he changed a lot. And that is funny to notice. He really tries to behave and talk like an adult)) Tries to be serious))) Tries to really think about English - not like it was in February)) And wants to be a Cook))))) Seriously, World needs such men these days)))) And it's only 2 months I haven't seen him!) Though I still can tell by his blank expression on the face when I have to shut up with my explanations ))) And the other thing I noticed - he can't do two things at the same time)) As most part of men))) He can write OR he can listen)) when I start telling smth while he is writing - he stops)) It's so funny, especially when I'm just repeating my last sentences))) Last night went out to movies. There is the only and last movie theatre in the city I sometimes visit. The car movie theatre. Yesterday my Best friend and me decided to make an agreement, to compromise. The horror movie and a chick flick. I wasn't very fond of any of them. And neither was he. But we made it look like I watch the horror one though I hate them and he watches the chick flick)) The one with Lindsay Lohan, A little pregnant. And the horror - The Mist. As I expected - both are trash. Though I thought both would be even worse)) Doesn't matter, we just had a good time))) I like that movie theatre. It's unique, you have to go there at night, which supposes driving around the night city, which I love to do, and also I love the cafe there. Their fast food cousine))) I guess that's the only place in the city where you can get ANY fast food without waiting in a long queue. No, I'm totally not going to be a vegetarian or even close to that any nearest time))) I'm way too in fast food and sweets))) Tomorrow, I hope I'll manage to start on-line promo and @ presentations. Unfortunately, I have to be at home and the weather is sooo good(( Well, that's ok, I have my friend's Bday coming and the bye-bye party too. Will have to visit both) Untill then - "just working"...

@настроение: undefined

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Girls like tests))))))

No, seriously, girls love tests)))) It was so interesting to count their results after I published some at Vkontakte. And the things are (if to believe the tests) that mostly girls are after money and look for a partner who is independent, handsome and at the same time who doesn't use those features)))) Yeah, and all of them want him to be so unapproachable and honourable and privileged. And, of course, he can't let any girl but special her near himself. Jesus, if I was a guy I would already be a hero))))) It is so easy to behave like that and that's it. Nothing else needed. No pick up things, nothing. Or you just need to be charismatic and charmingly polite and funny. Which is much harder, cause either you have it or not. Then girls will just sleep with you for an idea of your personality. As it was at our Summeet with some people. And I was shocked. Seriously. Maybe I'm too conservative. But I didn't think @ers would strive for such excellence trying to act so sustainably and enjoying participation that much by drinking and having sex.I don't know. I'm just glad I quit drinking and smoking. That makes me a little bit different. At least concerning my power of will. Or whatever you call it. Today I even heard this theory that @ers work hard in between all the conferences but when they get to the conference.... They make it up to the life of usual teens. If you say it politely))))) No, never gonna be it. And another thing is that I won't avoid meeting some people from Summeet. People I'd rather wouldn't meet. Well, we'll see. I'll really try to be nice, I swear)) The other thing which is bothering me is this Recruitment... So much work and so much trouble. And I have so much free time that I can't make myself do it.Unfortunately a lot of nesessary people are leaving(( It will be short absenсe but I feel like I have no inspiration any more. And no brilliant people around me. No example. I'm slowly realizing that all work is going so much better at other LCs. And the thing is that our LC is not a team. And previous LCP and EB had it all so differently organized((((( And I don't know anything about how things went earlier and what we are doing for our development now. And what is worst I try not to think whose fault it is. But we have to grow. I think I will be very useful for my own LC next conference. Seriously!

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So funny to read your own previous entries)) After all the theories I heard and all the literature I read, movie "Secret" is just crap))) That means progress in my development)) Yesterday I had very strange feelings. But that was evening and no one was around so I will just forget it. Seriously, if you believe in your destiny and more than that - you believe that your world is constantly taking care of you, then you have nothing to worry about)) Everything will be fine)) My life will be, no, wait, IS perfect)) It is so funny - to convince myself)) But anyways, there are a lot of goals set and they need to be achieved. I want finally to jump with a parachute))) And then in some period of time I want to go bungee-jumping)) And I have couple good ideas about my tattoo)) And some other stuff to do)) And, yeah, of course, a lot of AIESEC work to do))) Including getting ready for my OCP position)) I'm so inspired!!!)) Thanks to one Very Special Person)))

@настроение: positive

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Power of our thoughts.

Have you ever seen the movie "Secret"? I have recently. It is about the psychology of people's thoughts. Our fears are much stronger than other feelings we experience. People tend to think about their problems more often than about anything else. I heard of the theory which says that man's thought always becomes material. Well, that means that everything we think of comes true. Is it right? There is a "law of meanness" as we call it, when something you are afraid of or just don't want to happen actually happens. Whether it is true or not, person has to think positively anyways. It is much easier to live thinking about good things than about bad. In the movie they said that if we think about things we want, it will all come true no matter how big our wishes were. Probably it won't happen the same second but still... There is a hope! And they also said that we have to visualize every our dream and try to feel happiness and joy as if we were really experiencing that. Now that is hard. People are so happy to remember the feeling distinctively very seldom. What if you are in a bad mood?! I'm not able to make myself joyfull trying to visualize something when I actually feel sad. This is another question. The question how to make yourself feel good. Music.... When I am sad, I tend to listen to sad music. That is so wrong. But most of my favorite songs are not about joy. Probably because usually people like songs which are close to their soul and thoughts. And what do people think about most of the times? Right, their problems. That's like some kind of magic circle! So, yes, good music... Movies usually affect me and my thoughts a lot... Those "stupid" chick flicks... All that love and tears and happy moments and happy ends make me feel happy for somebody. What else can raise my mood? Oh, yes. The Memories. There certainly were several moments in our life when we can say we were happy. Many people think there weren't. May be we don't want to rememember some because we understand that we can't return it or because of some particular person. But happy memories certainly can make us feel good. And another thing I really love can make me high. The Nature. Mother Nature. Even in the city. Even when it's rainy and mud is everywhere. You can still look at the sky and see the beauty of unexplainable wonderfull world. I try to be happy for others: my friends, my enemies, even those I don't know and will never meet again, just strangers. One of my friends recently said that he thinks it is usual programm. When you tell someone that it works and he believes you and it really starts working for him. Like some useless pills- you give them to a very ill person, hopelessly ill, and tell him it will help. So he believes the pills will cure him and it really happens. Not because the pills were a miracle, just the power of human thought-he ACTUALLY BELIEVED it. So may be there is the solution. We have to convince ourselves and that will be it. If we will believe in something it will work for us. If we will think that if we visualize something we want, it will come true, it will work for us. Just as long as we believe this. Kind of hard to understand. Let's think of predictionists. When we come to them they tell us what will happen in our life in some time. And we BELIEVE them. We believe it will happen. So it just happens. So simple. Man's mind is very powerfull thing. Everything will be like we want it to be if we actually believe it. Everything is unstable and a lot is unexperienced and unexplained yet! Mankind has a very good potential!